Offensive Jokes

LOLJOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE

Seriously – these are really offensive.  They do not represent any of my personal opinions at all, and its almost a little embarrassing to post them.  

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it’s worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

10 years and 45 lbs

 What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

 

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

 

What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

‘Are you sure it’s mine?’

 

 

Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?

They named him ‘Sum Ting Wong’

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment

What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage. . . along with ‘a recipe’.

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time …’ -A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit!!!….